Why does finding love come easily to some people and not at all to others? There is certainly no shortage of singles hoping to meet someone special. Dating apps are huge business. In 2016, NASDAQ reported the industry took in sales of over 2 billion.
Despite this, some people can't seem to make a connection. And then there are the unfortunates who do but attract the same wrong type of partner over and over. If there's a loser, schmoozer, or No-Show Joe in the bunch, they're bound to attract him.
Even worse, they’re continually attracted to those wrong people. They seem to have a radar up for the one person who’ll disappoint them the most.
For many years, I said I wanted to attract the right person. On a conscious level, I wanted a relationship, yet the people I attracted (and was attracted to) were incapable of it. I had a vague anxiety that a steady relationship might be boring; it occurred to me that marriage might suffocate me. But it turned out I harbored deeper fears. On a subconscious level, I was terrified. After much examination, I realized that I associated marriage with death and the loss of identity. Furthermore, the expectation that I would give birth utterly freaked me out.
I went to a lot of weddings. My sister got married. So did most of my friends. It occurred to me that I had to take myself to one side and resolve my anxieties if I were ever to get married. I did, and I did. Eventually, I gave birth to two children.
I achieved these things by changing my beliefs about a) marriage, b) men, and c) myself. Humans tend to have experiences that line up with their beliefs, so in those days when I believed men were untrustworthy, I inevitably attracted untrustworthy men, even as my friends easily attracted hopelessly devoted, honest ones who eagerly married them.
As Cell Biologist Bruce Lipton, PhD, maintains in his book, The Biology of Belief, “When we struggle or fail to obtain our goals, we are generally led to conclude that we are victims of outside forces preventing us from reaching our destination. However, neuroscience has now established that the conscious mind runs the show, at best, only 5 percent of the time. It turns out that the programs acquired by the subconscious mind shape 95 percent or more (italics mine) of our life experiences.”
So, if a woman believes that long-term relationships are bound to end in disaster, her subconscious mind will see to it that she attracts a disastrous relationship. Every. Single. Time. The man who believes he’s unlovable will keep attracting women who confirm his belief.
Happily, we can change our experiences by changing our beliefs. This can be difficult if we don’t know we harbor a particular belief in the first place, but easily learned tools like EFT/Tapping can help us excavate troublesome ideas and transform them into positive ones that ensure we get what we want.
In case you don’t already know, EFT/Tapping, which has been described as acupuncture without needles, involves gently tapping on a series of points of your body to clear a number of things, which can include limiting beliefs, pain, stress, cravings, and more. (I became sold on it when it helped me resolve an intractable case of insomnia after my mother’s death from a glioblastoma in 2005.)
One of my favorite things about Tapping is that, while you’re at it, you’re talking to your subconscious. After a while, your subconscious starts talking to you. Very often an idea or memory will come to mind that’s held you back from achieving a stable and loving relationship. Through Tapping, you may very well dislodge it and clear it.
If you clear it, your circumstances will change. You’ll find yourself attracted to people who want to make you happy. What’s more, you’ll find yourself attracted to people who want to make you happy.
This is the recipe for finding the love of your life.