Terry Hernon

IS SOMETHING -- OR SOMEONE -- BUGGING YOU AT WORK?

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 09:59:40 -0800

One of the biggest problems my clients face is stress at work. You know, the kind of stress that causes physical pain, often in the neck or shoulder (hence the expression, What a pain in the neck!).

This used to surprise me. I thought for sure most clients would want help addressing weight or relationship problems, but complaints of stress are much more common. A lot of them result from work.

Not too long a go, a teacher reported that administrators at the school where she works treat the staff so badly that many colleagues jumped ship and took early retirement. Some who remained self-medicate at night with a lot of alcohol. Still others take prescription drugs.

On top of the poor treatment, she, like many people in her profession in the US, must pay from her own salary to make up for the lack of classroom supplies. (While this financial sacrifice isn't mandatory, this teacher chooses to make it because she loves children and wants to give them a quality education. It's not possible without the right materials.)

Of course, teachers aren't the only ones subject to work stress. Several of my clients have been subjected to bullying in the office, either by a superior or a coworker. Other clients can't stand their commutes.

The thing is, stress can be deadly. It can take a toll on sleep, blood pressure, and internal organs. It can ruin a marriage.

If you find yourself in a stressful situation, please know that EFT can help ease you out of flight, fight, or freeze syndrome and put you in a calmer, clearer state of mind. (People often overlook it in favor of an alternative like CBD oil, which can relieve suffering but is exhaustible and expensive. I always recommend that people try tapping first.)

For a free guide to EFT, download THE EASY PEASY GUIDE TO TAPPING.

the folks at Disney who arrested an arthritic great-grandmother missed the memo on this.

EFT/Tapping: An effective alternative to CBD?

Before investing in a CBD product, why not try EFT/Tapping?

It's easy to learn, and it's always at your fingertips. I developed a...Read More

#metoo AT A PHIL LESH SHOW

Sat, 15 Jun 2019 12:29:36 -0700

It started off well

I bought tickets for my husband and me to see Phil Lesh and Friends at The Capitol Theater in Port Chester, New York last Tuesday. I love Phil Lesh, and so does my husband, who introduced me to his music and The Grateful Dead when we started dating in 1990.

From my perspective, each Phil show is a shimmering moment in musical history. Phil emanates benevolence, gratitude, and kindness, while displaying fastidious attention to craft. The shows are also an excellent value. At seventy-nine years of age, this man will move around a stage for four hours or more, outlasting my much-younger husband who stands perfectly still and cries uncle in the middle of the second set.

The danger of seeing PL&F is that it can ruin you for concerts by other musicians. We went to see Ian Anderson days after a Phil show last September, and Anderson suffered badly by comparison. He sounded all right, but he exuded a self-congratulatory manner that didn't warrant us wasting two hours trying to get out of the parking lot after the encore. So we split.

Tuesday's Phil show definitely did not disappoint, especially since Jorma Kaukonen, formerly of Jefferson Airplane, and whose solo Christmas CD we play year round, was among the Friends.

We had a perfect view of the band

Usually, we get seats up in Loge, but this time we had spots on the floor. This meant we had to stand. I had stood for a show once before, for Public Image Ltd. at Brooklyn Steel last October. It worked out beautifully, with me ending up right beneath John Lydon himself. I was utterly psyched for the possibility I'd also be able to view the greatness of Phil Lesh up close, especially since I am nearsighted.

But then things got weird

If you've ever been to a Phil show, you know the joy of watching grown men in the audience dance like kindergartners at a birthday party. Well, I dance too. Once that music starts, I can't stop and I...Read More

How I Got Over Being Over Ricky Gervais

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 06:42:13 -0700

For me, it was laugh at first sight

I laid eyes on Ricky Gervais for the first time in Ghost Town, the 2008 comedy in which he played the acerbic Bertram Pincus, a dentist who wakes up from a near-death experience during a routine colonoscopy with the ability to communicate with dead people. Bertram, who hates people living and dead, views this as a hardship and goes around insulting everyone in the most shocking and deplorable manner. The movie was hilarious.

I also liked Gervais' version of The Office, which predated and inspired the American version starring Steve Carrell; and Extras, in which he and Ashley Jensen played struggling actors trying to get a break.

Ricky Gervais, the Golden Globes host with the most

His work attracted attention and a legion of appreciative fans, garnering him the hosting job for The Golden Globes four times. Over the years, I'd heard more and more people say they don't watch celebrity award shows because they're tired of "rich people patting themselves on the back." But people tune in when Gervais hosts The Globes.

I'm not proud of it, but I shrieked with glee when he lampooned Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen. The media feigned shock, but who were they kidding? Gervais' act delights TV viewers, who go to bed afterwards feeling better about themselves. Meanwhile, his rich and powerful celebrity targets go to glamorous parties and field offers to become richer and more powerful. Everybody wins.

This is how he...Read More

When Sadness is Breaking Your Heart

Sat, 09 Mar 2019 10:59:07 -0800

Grief is a physical pain

Except ibuprofen won't stop it. Alcohol may ease it temporarily, or make it worse (especially if you wake up with a cranium cracker of a hangover the next morning). Trying to talk yourself out of it isn't a great idea. Grief will resurface at inopportune moments and bite back with a vengeance. Ignoring it will yield the same result.

The best thing to do when you've lost someone you love is to sit with the pain. Acknowledge it. Honor it. Process it. That's what I'm trying to do right now.

I'm grieving the loss of my father, who died unexpectedly. He was one of those people who, at eighty-seven-a half years old, deluded us into believing he might never die. I'd call him to make plans, and he'd have to check his calendar. He volunteered in two hospitals, went out regularly to see old movies at MOMA, and kept up with his friends. He didn't sit beside the phone waiting for me to call. The guy had a life.

When we did get together, which was fairly often, we went to shows and restaurants. He had opinions about everything. We laughed and laughed.

Last June, I met him in Chicago for a few days. He lived in Manhattan, but he flew to Chicago three or four times a year to meet up with the college friends who remain above ground. I'd been to Chicago on business, but it had been a goal of mine to see it with my father, who'd loved that city since he was a little boy. His mother was born and raised there.

An eery thing happens

Months before the trip, he asked me to pick out a hotel. I scrolled through the hundreds of listings online. For some reason, I settled on one: The Congress Plaza. When I called to tell him that I'd booked there, he asked why.

I couldn't say. I'd never heard of the place.

He said, "Well, that's interesting. Your grandmother, grandfather, aunt, and I stayed at The Congress...Read More

HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP

Sun, 17 Feb 2019 13:19:43 -0800

There's nothing quite like waltzing merrily through the week thinking you're in a happy relationship -- that maybe you've even met The One -- when out of nowhere the man lowers the boom and utters some nonsense like, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, or, I think we should start seeing other people.

You wake up the next morning hoping the conversation was part of a horrible dream, but the throbbing ache in your stomach tells you otherwise. It's hard to get out of bed. You can't envision your way past this person who decimated you; there's nobody else in the world you could ever love so much.

Okay, you're in a lot of pain, and it's best to acknowledge it. Feel it. Allowing yourself to process it will facilitate healing. But, in the meantime, you just want the guy back. You'll do anything to get him back. What can you do to get him back?

Here's what you do:

Nothing.

Instead, take out a pen and paper and write a contract to yourself that you will do nothing at all to contact the man who caused you such misery. Then sign it. In blood, if necessary.

Here's why: If you call him, text him, or start performing tricks in an attempt to get him back, you will make yourself look desperate.

Desperate = I made the right decision to dump her.

So, Tip One means you don't show up in the bar where your ex hangs out. You will not drive past his house. You must do everything in your power to avoid running into him. You will not contact his friends to enlist their help in repairing your relationship.

You will simply disappear.

Disappearing will give you a sense of control. Will your pain evaporate? I doubt it, but you will gain confidence by having put yourself in a position of strength.

Tip Two is to write a list of all the little things you didn't like about your ex. Be honest with yourself. The man was not perfect. It's...Read More

THE BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT ABOUT MEN...

Tue, 05 Feb 2019 17:55:37 -0800

I went to high school with a girl with a beautiful smile who dated a boy who looked like Jackson Browne. This was a good thing as far as she was concerned; she loved Jackson Browne. Meanwhile, a silent scream rattled my skull every time I heard "Running on Empty."

I liked her anyway. She sat next to me in English and got excellent marks in all her classes. I excelled at English, but I had trouble in subjects that didn't interest me. I wanted to be a student for whom school came easily, but I daydreamed a lot and had trouble concentrating. Today, this affliction is widely known as ADD, but back then it resulted in red scribbles on my report cards that read, "Does not live up to potential."

In addition to doing well at school, this girl seemed to do well at life. She had the devoted Jackson Browne lookalike boyfriend, for instance. I had no boyfriends and no idea how to even attract the attention of one. Despite this, I always had a crush on somebody, usually an upperclassman who didn't know me from Adam. Half the time, I convinced myself he liked me but was afraid to show it. Other times, I accepted the truth: He didn't. While wavering between these extremes, I talked about him incessantly, especially to this girl. She had a lot of patience.

One day, with some exasperation, she offered me the advice her mother gave her about boys: "Take everything they do at face value."

So, in other words, if they came around, that was a good sign. If they didn't, it didn't mean they had commitment issues or were afraid of being hurt. It meant they weren't interested, which is important information. If they said they'd call, I should believe them. If they didn't follow through, I should know not to believe them. I should know it was time to move on.

This was excellent advice, but I chose not to accept it. I chose to believe what I wanted, which caused unnecessary drama that protected me from boredom and produced chemicals in my brain to which I...Read More

IS YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND GOING TO BE A PROBLEM? TODAY COULD BE A GOOD DAY TO FIND OUT

Sun, 03 Feb 2019 06:36:06 -0800

Today marks the magical Sunday when Americans gather to consume corn and bean products while critiquing TV commercials. It also features a football game, which offers an opportunity for women to assess whether a potential new love has the emotional qualities a happy and healthy relationship requires.

I've always maintained that football season is a good time to meet new men, especially if a woman finds a bar where she feels comfortable (different bars attract different crowds), brings along a friend, and hits Monday Night Football on a regular basis. This practice can expose her to lots of new fellows. It lets her observe how they drink, treat other people, and behave when their team wins or loses. All of this is important information.

Over the years, I received several emails protesting this advice; the senders argued you can only meet drunks in bars, which is absolutely not true (although you'll definitely meet a couple of them). They wanted me to tell women to meet men at church, which is something I don't necessarily advocate. Here's why: People are on their best behavior at church. People are more likely to be themselves in a bar. When it comes to men, what you see is what you get is always the way to go.

Now, tonight marks the climax of football season. You may be dating someone newish, and he's passionate about one team or another. That team will win or lose tonight, and it's incumbent upon you to watch what he does when that happens. If his team loses, does he sulk? Is the night ruined for him (and, by extension, for you)? Or does he take it in stride like a fully formed adult? If his team does happen to win, does he tease the opposition in an endearing way, or does he rub their nose in it?

During the game, does he enjoy a couple of beers? (Fun, normal.) Or does he get increasingly vicious with every sip? (Not fun, not normal.) How does he relate to other men? Does he enjoy their company, or does he have to be the...Read More

DOES YOUR SELF-HELP PRACTICE OFFEND GOD?

Sun, 27 Jan 2019 14:46:58 -0800

Doreen Virtue, the best-selling author whose columns about angels appeared in Woman's World magazine, recently blogged about practices she now perceives as an affront to God and a danger to Christians. The post went viral and caused a lot of upset because the offenses include EFT, yoga, affirmations, mindfulness, and Harry Potter (!), among other things. The controversy got my attention because I am an advocate of some of the things she names.

Here's my story :

I'm a practicing Catholic who reads the Bible. I take pains to avoid running afoul of God, whom I believe to be the architect of the universe. However, my friends don't call me the self-help queen for nothing.

In 1986, after a particularly horrible romantic breakup, I discovered a book at a now-defunct B. Dalton bookstore on Main Street, Flushing on my way to class. The book was The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy, and it changed my life.

Murphy advocated fashioning affirmations from promises in the Bible and repeating them to rewrite one's subconscious programming to facilitate success -- in every endeavor. While reading it, I started doing as he suggested. Things got better for me. I made new friends. I attracted better boyfriends. I became truly happy for probably the first time in my life. More important, I understood that my happiness was something largely within my control, not some random occurrence that blew in and out with the wind. And while I discovered the book at a young age, Murphy's chapter on getting older heartened me considerably.

Thus began my love affair with affirmations. (One of my favorites, which I...Read More

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR BODY

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 14:17:10 -0800

In the Sixties, my mother put me in for naps while she watched her soap opera As the World Turns because, she said, "Some things aren't for children." I never slept, and I guess it didn't occur to her that small people who suffer from chronic severe ear infections can still hear the television, even if they cannot see it.

I heard quite a bit. The women's skin cream commercials made the biggest impression. I remember a voiceover promising miraculous restoration for those unfortunates who struggled with "over 35 skin." Not long afterwards, the promise had been amended to help women with "over 30 skin." Eventually, it changed again, offering salvation to women over the advanced age of 25. I remember thinking, "Wow, they don't give you much time, do they?"

If the moisturizer commercials didn't bring home the point, the ads for a rejuvenating supplement called Geritol did. I got to see this one. The husband of a woman who used the products looked into the camera and said, "I think I'll keep her," as though he was the biggest sport in the world.

You'd be stupid not to get the message: If a woman let herself be human and let her body to do what human bodies do, nobody would value her. Her husband would split, forcing her and her three kids to relocate to a subway grate. And even though no man in my childhood universe abandoned his wife, I worried someone would do it to me.

Before I met my husband, in those days when I willfully dated men that could make no woman happy, I noticed this other breed of women who wore glasses instead of contacts. Who didn't own makeup. Some of them carried an extra ten or twenty pounds, yet they clearly felt excellent about themselves. They exuded an intoxicating confidence. Usually, they had some grateful man in their thrall.

I learned from them.

These women had their priorities straight. Despite active discouragement from the media, they had the temerity to like themselves. And even...Read More