I cried when I brought my first baby home from the hospital.

Before discharge, the nurse directed me to change the baby's diaper and dress her. I hadn't cared for an infant since my teenage babysitting days, and I quickly realized I was out of my depth. I couldn't close the diaper properly. I couldn't even get the snaps to line up on her onesie. To make things worse, even though I'd studied all the breastfeeding books, nursing turned out to be nearly impossible for my daughter and me.

Nineteen months later, I gave birth to another little one, who had a completely different personality. And the older child didn't appreciate sharing attention with the new baby and made her displeasure known in numerous horrible ways. In the hopes of restoring peace to our household, I devoured a pile of parenting guidebooks, subscribed to magazines, and came away with a lot of conflicting information. I was confused. And tired!

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I'd been fed a line that having children was the most rewarding thing in the world. Other mothers seemed to know what they were doing -- and enjoyed it. Often, I didn't enjoy it.

I tried my best, yet I always seemed to fall short.

Then, after my older child started school, she turned out not to be the kind of student who excels by sitting still and staring at a whiteboard. I went home from Parent/Teacher conferences sad and demoralized.

Oh yeah, I also wanted a life of my own. I really like to read books that have nothing to do with best childcare practices. I had other interests.

What was wrong with me?

Nothing at all, it turns out.

I soon discovered that a lot of women were as confused as stressed as I was.

I knew I wasn't alone when I discovered that another mother -- whose kids regularly showed up at the bus stop dressed for a magazine shoot -- searched a weekly circular for her wine coupon. Like so many women, she sipped herself into a better frame of mind after the kiddies went to bed.

(Nothing wrong at all with enjoying a glass or two -- I still do! But, full disclosure here: For a while, it became a coping mechanism for me, as it does for so many other women with children.)

Here's the thing: There are no perfect mothers. There are good mothers, however. Some of them work outside the home. Some of them don't. Some of them live in immaculately clean and beautifully decorated homes. Others are happy to leave the dishes in the sink if it means they can enjoy a quiet hour with a good book.

The one thing all good mothers have in common is that they care. They're conscientious. But when conscientiousness turns into guilt or resentment, things go bad not just for her, but for her partner -- and her entire family. (If you're starting to dislike your husband, I'm talking to you.)

The one thing I've learned over the years is that I cannot make good decisions from a point of guilt or resentment (resentment, in particular, always leads to decisions that bite me back in the end). And the feeling that once we become mothers we're no longer entitled to being women with our own needs, desires, and dreams anymore is a source of major resentment.

It seems everyone wants a piece of us, and everyone has an opinion on the way we do things.

IF REAL LIFE ISN'T MEASURING UP TO YOUR INSTAGRAM FEED, IT'S TIME TO RECLAIM A LIFE OF PEACE, CLARITY, CONFIDENCE, AND JOY -- THAT WILL INFECT YOUR WHOLE FAMILY.

If you'd like to find out if EFT/Tapping can help you release stress, clarify your very valid feelings, and regain confidence as a human being, be in touch for a complimentary consultation to discuss one-on-one coaching. We can meet from the convenience of your home or office via Zoom. Drop me a line at terry(a)terryhernon.com.

Or, if you'd rather meet with other like-minded women, join me for a group session via Zoom on four successive Tuesdays starting March 19th. Click here for details.

I can't wait to meet you.

Photo credit: Humphrey Muleba for Unsplash.